Translating 7 Common “Texan-isms”

3. Long as a country mile.

A “country mile” is the standard one mile; however, in Texas’ wide-open spaces, distance can be very deceiving. A country mile can range from one to 10 miles – it’s not used for any sort of accuracy, only to relate how it seems to be a lot longer than a mile in the city.

4. She’s madder than a wet hen.

Photo: Shassinger

Hens sometimes enter a phase of “broodiness,” where they’ll stop at nothing to incubate their eggs. They tend to get agitated when farmers try to collect the eggs too soon, so farmers used to dunk hens in cold water to “break” their broodiness. You don’t want to be around a hormonal hen after she’s had an ice bath.

5. He could eat corn through a picket fence.

This describes a person who has an unfortunate set of buck teeth. They tend to stick up and awkwardly outward, like a horse’s teeth. Imagine a horse eating a carrot, and you’ll get the picture.

6. Rode hard and put up wet.

No, this isn’t a Texas sexual innuendo. The phrase refers to a key step in horse grooming — when a horse runs fast, it works up a sweat, especially under the saddle. A good rider knows to walk the horse around so it can dry off before going back to the stable. A horse will look sick and tired if you forget this step, much like a person who misses sleep or drinks too much.

7. That’s about as useful as tits on a bull.

Photo: www.craftsmanfounder.com

Only female dairy cows produce milk, and male cows are called bulls. So, even if you could “milk anything with nipples,” bulls tend to be rather ornery. Good luck with that. We’ll be sure to tell you, “Bless your heart!”

Photo: Bless Your Heart – Shirt by Texas Hill Country

We recently designed a shirt for this lovely phrase! Find the above shirt (in many color options!) and more at Texas Hill Country Shirts.