Growing up in the age where ketchup only came in glass bottles has taught several generations some serious life lessons – namely, patience is a virtue. When Heinz made the switch to plastic squeeze bottles, we thought all of our prayers had been answered. Then they went and did something radical. They came out with some new sauce combos, teaching us another life lesson. Patience really does pay off.
Having already introduced Mayochup (wait, what?), Mayomust, and Mayocue, Heinz has taken your condiment dreams one step further and released Kranch. This just might be the ketchup-ranch dressing combination you’ve been missing your entire life.
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It contains what might be the perfect blend of ketchup, ranch dressing, and special spices. Kranch is Heinz’s latest line of sauce specialties rolling into stores across the U.S. beginning this month. Now that such a combination can be bought at your local grocery store, you might want to start rethinking your entire diet! Like, what goes best with Kranch? How can I fit more Kranch into my lifestyle? Do I increase my Texas barbecue intake? Do I smother my grits with this stuff? Oh, the humanity!
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Although use of this new sauce will probably take your food to a whole new level, the likelihood that you’ll have to hoard it away from family and friends who visit is high. Be forewarned. You may love it so much you’ll start everything with the letter “K.” Like, “Are you coming over? I’m making Koffee.” Or, “This sauce is totally kray-kray!” But, seriously, thank goodness they went with Kranch instead of Retchup. Marketing that would’ve been utter Khaos.
